Shadow

01 Dec 2004 - 23 July 2021

How to say goodbye to your best friend…

A little over two weeks ago, we took Shadow, our 16-and-a-half-year-old black tabby, for an ultrasound. We already knew that he was very sick, close to the end, though this exam would provide guidance on how to move forward as the little guy had been experiencing health issues for quite some time.

Shadow came into my life as a companion to my first cat Casper, a grey tabby I got from my sister. He was adopted at about three weeks old from the Edmonton Humane society. He was the cutest little ball, sneezing incessantly as he had contracted an upper respiratory infection and was battling through it. He seemed nonplussed by this and continued as if things were normal, enjoying life to the fullest.

Always the inspector, he had to investigate anything and everything new. This provided numerous adventures such as walking off a third story balcony, jumping to a bannister – missing the landing – and falling about 16 feet and knocking himself out, and numerous close calls as cats are to do, doling out their nine lives in whatever fashion keeps us humans on our toes.

An ever patient “brother”, he has been introduced to three siblings in his life. Casper, his first “big sister”, Ranger, his “little sister” that he cared for as a litter mate, and of course Scout, the puppy he loved to hate, that he provided a father and brother figure to, teaching him the ways of the house up until the end.

For a house cat, Shadow’s life was anything but typical. He has lived in four different provinces, six different houses, has travelled across Canada by car – twice, has flown, and has seen more of the world than many cats will get to do in their lifetime. He cared for me through deployment, death, and divorce. He has been there to celebrate and to mourn and he has done so with a presence far beyond what I would expect from a being who is incapable of complex communication.

He was my constant companion throughout my rollercoaster of an adult life, providing a pillar of strength and love, through challenges and triumphs, always there to let me know that whatever the outcome, I was loved and needed.

Shadow wasn’t blessed with the sturdiest of immune systems. Although stubborn and strong, handling pain and discomfort much more that I would have preferred, he had regular health issues throughout his adult and later life. From a near death experience in December of 2010 til now, he battled pancreatitis and diabetes on and off, and an autoimmune disease in the mouth which eventually took all his teeth. Later in life the pancreatitis returned, along with early-stage kidney disease, and finally, cancer. Through this he was a champion, allowing the poking, the prodding, and the medication, all to continue doing what he did best, which was to give love to everyone and everything around him. I always joke about how Shadow is the most expensive cat ever, since his numerous health conditions have incurred some significant fees, though I never regret those costs as it afforded us more time which meant more love. To me, that is priceless.

I have been fortunate enough in my life to have never had to decide to say good-bye to a being that I have cared so much for. Shadow permeates through my entire heart. He has taught me to be patient, empathetic, kind, and how to love. He has shown me loyalty, strength, compassion, patience, and never-ending care of which I am not sure I have always deserved but was lucky to have received.

I will miss you, my little man. More than you will ever understand. Throughout your not-long-enough life I hope that I have given you a fraction of what you gave to me. I am honoured to have been your friend and protector for the 16+ years we had together and hope that if there is anything after this, that you are going to be there because man, it’s going to be hard to carry on without you.

In sending you to what I hope is a more comfortable place I do so with all my love. Do not worry that you will be forgotten. You are the one that whittled my heart into the shape it is today, and you will be in my thoughts and dreams until I have no more.